This might be because I’m the lone sole in my circle that doesn’t watch The Wire, but these days, my favorite TV character is Riley Freeman from The Boondocks. While he was always hilarious in the comic strip and the first run of the show, Season Two has seen Riley (a.k.a. Riley Escobar, a.k.a. H.R. Paperstacks, a.k.a. Louis Rich, like the turkey bacon, what?) evolve to new heights. Armed with the writing of Aaron McGruder and the brilliant voiceovers of Regina King (who, amazingly, voices Huey also), Riley’s misogynistic, mini-gangsta glory has provided for a shitload of quotables on every facet of life. From relationships, to loyalty, to career moves, Riley has the answers.
On masculinity and being hard on hoes:
*(The first two statements were to Tom DuBois, after Usher snatches his wife at a restaurant)
+*"I say toss her groupie ass out the window and let her ass stargaze from outside!"
+*"So this is the message you want to send to the young youth out here like me who are trying to do the right thing and not love these hoes? … All for some white girl who left you left you for some R&B dancin’ ass, sexy flexy ass nigga?"
+“She’s your very first cyber-friend. And you’re her 3 millionth.”
+“Purple speedo? That’s gay.”
+“Uh, yeah. I don’t wanna dickride, so I’ma just, uh, go back to the house."
On snitchin’:
“Don’t snitch, granddad! They don’t know nothing less you tell ‘em!”
On hatin’:
+Oh, let me guess, you’re probably gonna hate [on that diss track] cuz it was about you. You need to stop with the hate crimes, granddad.”
+“I always knew you was a hater, but I never thought you’d be famous for it.”
+“Now before you start hatin’, ask yourself, be honest. Ain’t I’m clean, doe?”
+“But I know I’m not gay, ‘cause I’m the most not gay nigga of all the not gay niggas in the universe! But see, people hate on your when you shinin’, see. That’s what it is. They make up stories. Like me, I stay shinin, so who knows. Pretty soon, people gon be callin me gay.”
On sportsmanship:
+“That’s what you call winning? A nigga’s nuts in yo face? Man, I hate to see what you call losin’.”
On money:
+“Oh no, no, Young Reezy never jokes about his paper stacks.”
+“[Granddad] probably made up this whole slavery thing. What nigga you know ‘gon work all day in a field for no paper?”
Misc. gems:
+“Family? I ain’t ever seen them [Hurricane Katrina relatives] before in my life. As far as I’m concerned, them niggas is the homeless!
+Riley: “Where’d you put my gun?”
Huey: “I confiscated them for security reasons. I have supreme authority until granddad gets back.”
Riley: “You have supreme authority over these nuts, nigga.”
+“That’s a damn shame, you can call a nigga a ‘nigga’ and keep yo damn job.”
+“Talkin bout I’m grounded. I’m Young Reezy! I goes where I wanna go.”
+“Sometimes you just gotta put aside your differences and work through problems with your homie. So y’all to keep to being homies. You feel me…homie?”
+“Yo mama got caught givin’ up neck in the bathroom of the Woodcrest Country Club, and it wasn’t yo daddy.”
Shortly, I'll be commenting on hip-hop happenings - probably The Roots' new songs, "artsy" hip-hop videos, and shit like that. But I first thing's first.
(c) William E. Ketchum III
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